omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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