If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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