so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
