I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
