Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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