I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
