dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
