I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
