Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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