i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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