They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
