i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
