Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She made me pour olive oil on her.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
