I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
