our cab driver is having phone sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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