I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
