In America we eat man semen.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
