I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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