he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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