he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
