if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
