i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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