End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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