oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
