So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
