worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
