Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
