God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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