# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
