And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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