The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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