I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
