I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
