I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
