It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
