enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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