Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
