I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
