So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
