honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
