hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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