he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
