Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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