Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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