I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
