If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
