im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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