I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
