smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
