I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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