she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
