I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
