yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
