Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
